Sunday, May 23, 2010

Brainius Swirlius

When I'm at work, things happen. To my brain. Often. I make people's names into little songs (Erica! Fuck Yeah! and so on). At the least, I make sing songy rhymes and old pop culture links (Jimmmmeeeeh! Making copieeeees. etc.). But when I'm feeling Triumphant, Demolished, Sad, High, or otherwise otherworldly, these little sound bites take all the space in my brain:

Reeeeeechard (unfortunately you have to get to 7:10 to see it) This happens whenever I submit estimates to a certain British native with the unfortunate same name. It's not his fault. It's Jane Seymour's.

Gary Busey. I love a good endocrine system. This bit comes to mind when I'm cornered, which happens more than it should.

What’s Taters, Precious? When I'm feeling peevish or otherwise suck egg doggish, I think this. I don't know why, but it comforts me. Maybe the undercurrent of psychotic danger?

Bill O’Reilly
There's no way to stress just how wonderful this clip is to me. FUCK IT! WE'LL DO IT LIVE...this thing SUCKS! has replayed mercilessly through my head at the most grinding, trying moments of the day. What can I say? The guy is a douche, but he has a point.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Tales of the Americas

Dear Girl, this is just some of the awesomeness you missed.

Don’t Trust the Curlies

Much like the gingers, the curlies must be watched. This motherfucker is really making the rounds, first questioning the right of the government to control just what kind of PEOPLE come into their establishment, then accusing the president of “un-American” behavior by laying into BP, the company at least partially responsible for the worst environmental disaster in US history. Wow, Ron Paul, how proud are you right now?


In case you missed it, here’s an ear to nom.

Things That Made Me Scream Aloud

Kristy sent me this. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. I screamedandscreamed. Then I passed out for awhile from the sugar rush. Tooooo. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

The Celebration

I didn’t stay long, but I did witness a woman literally LOSE HER FUCKING MIND over Adair’s rendition of “99 Problems.” I shit you not, my friend, she leapt from her barstool, slalomed a few times (screaming), and then, at the moment the song demanded a “motherfucker,” reeled out of the bar, through the door and fell to her knees on the street, screaming in…exaltation? We’ll never really know. I can say, after all the pomp and circumstance, that two true things remain: Adair is unflappable and Colin is still hot as hell. That is all.

The Tale

Once upon a time, there was a girl, let’s call her Shiny, and a gent, let’s call him Dumpster. In a Land we’ll call Grievous, Shiny and Gent met, specifically Shiny sought Dumpster for advice about a certain really freaking important and legally scary incident. She wandered through the swamps of Mordor to find Dump, finding Dump ready at his keys, tippy tapping away, furiously helping some unwitting soul (no doubt!). When Shiny sat down and began relating her legally scary incident of woe, Dump seemed fully invested in said incident. However! The aisles of Mordor were being reimagined after the leaving of yet another Girl (the Supreme and Utmost Canadian Girl of Yore), so many movings and liftings of heavy objects were afoot! Lo! In the midst of Shiny's tale, Dump suddenly (I kid you fucking not) jumped to his feet, yelling, “Can I help you with that!?” yea whilst Shiny was mid-fucking-sentence. Dump proceeded to jump out of his chair and run to the help of the young Naïve, let’s call him IT GUY, whose job it was to lift questionably heavy (?) objects and transfer them to their new and proper place (i.e. his fucking JOB). Of course, once Dump had helpfully extended his mighty pinky to help young naïve, he came back to listen to Shiny’s actual, relevant complaint. And thus the story goes, world without end, amen. And to think I’d forgotten why we named him that in the first place. Of course, GOD WILLING, you’ve forgotten all this peevish stupidity already, my friend. But I thought you might enjoy this nonetheless.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Vincent D`Onofrio Tributes, FYI He's Not Dead

Okay, ladies, calm down. Vincent is not dead. You wouldn't know it by YouTube standards. There are about 50,000 Vincent D'Onofrio tribute videos...and while he's not dead, he is done with Law & Order: Criminal Intent, which I guess is the same as being dead? Anyway, here's should check out the rest, btw, because they are obsessive, loving, lusty, and (yes) scary at times...all good, or bad, I guess, if you happen to be famous. PS. one of the vids that supposedly features a shirtless VD is actually my one and only true MAN, Adam Baldwin, I'm pretty sure of it. Enjoy it, regardless. As they say, it is all good.

The Right Hotness

Adairdevil and I had a Vulcan mind meld tonight, joyously realizing that we both understood the hotness of Scott Glenn (Urban Cowboy! Silence of the Lambs! The RIGHT Stuff!) so this is in honor of that. Scotty Glenn, if we meet you, we're gonna kiss you right on the mouth. Cat fight!

Monday, May 03, 2010

EW Gross, YAY

See right. Remember this, former (and soon to be) Gravers? Gross, but sooo apt.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

Tiger Cub - For Mum