Sunday, August 31, 2008

Winston Is a Superstar

If you don't keep up with (don't lie!) then you've missed out on the chronicles of a special little man named Winston, pictured below.

His videos are available on You Tube. I recommend a proper introduction via his owner titled "Winston is Annoying," then follow it up with the likes of "Winston on Yummy" (my personal favorite), "Chirping Winston," and "Winston Hisses." Finally, take a stroll over to Winston's owner's website, fourfour, for many Winston-related posts, including the recent literary proposition of one 5-year-old Ramona, of the great state of Oregon, who knows her lollipop-headed cats better than anyone.

I would buy the book. Winston is annoying, and I love his fool self.

Friday, August 29, 2008

You. Watch This Now. Meaning NOW.

It's better than you've heard and worthy of your attention. Do it.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Yasmin and Her Boxes

Just replace the wee Scrat with Yasmin and the big nut with packing boxes and you'll have an idea of what it has been like outside my office this week. She's on a mission and her joy is alllll about the boxes, the shiny shiny boxes.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Mr. McJobbypants

After a sobering and life changing conversation last night, it is clear that my favorite Will is in need of some advice. Upon learning that he could not wear his shorts and t-shirts with holes to his new job, our Will must now find new clothing options. His first day is Monday, so getting him help is paramount. Paramount! May I offer some advice...

Monday, August 18, 2008

Things That Are Annoying.

1. Netflix on the fritz. How am I supposed to remain strong when I have nothing to occupy my mind? Especially when...
2. My Modem Died. How could this happen? What is going on? Dear God in heaven, is it a sign? Or maybe it dropped on the floor too many times. But that could hardly do anything, right?
3. YouTube Mocks Me. It takes a week and a half to post, really?
4. My Heart of Darkness is Still Gone. She still thinks she has the right to vacation. My door will remain closed in protest until tomorrow when she finally returns...and proceeds to close her door, like she does.

FYI, Mum, I can't explain the entry below other than via the phone. Don't worry, it isn't relevant to anyone or anything in the universe. You'll understand.

Friday, August 15, 2008


Say what you want, but for me, this is one of the greatest Olympic moments ever. Stick it, Keri!

I can remember screaming bloody murder after she stuck that one-legged landing. I have loved gymnastics for forever, it seems, mostly due to my beloved cousin Julianne. God love you, girl, remember when you did your floor routine to "The Final Countdown"? I kees you from afar!

In terms of Olympic viewing history, this is also the day that I learned Bob Costas was the DEVIL. Him, his broadcasting ring of evil, I don't CARE who you are...shut UP about who wins what, especially just before your damn viewers are about to watch it. I don't care who made the call to blab it, I blame YOU, Bob. You ballsucker.

Good thing for you, Mz. Strug made it something to watch.

BLU Painting

My sister's friend sent this around. I thought it was worth sharing.

My Shi Shi

Is funny.

I miss her already!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Sidenote: Big Brother

What? So what. I am a fan. I don't care. I love it. And I've watched every season. Mr. Ian from the Long, Long Ago also loved it, and it was the one, weirdo thing that we could share. That, and the lame-ass walk from work to the lower east side on Blackout day. Followed by the lamer-ass rest of the walk, all alone, to Park Slope. Serious vom chunks. Which sucked.

My assessment of this season of Big Brother? Let my little bat-eared, brown eyed baby button tell you:

Yes, Jerry, you are on alert, you asshat. Jerry is 700 years old, the oldest participant of Big Brother ever, so one would easily feel a certain weakness toward him. I am, after all, the biggest sap when it comes to little old men, ie. "Grandpas," because my own was a true hero to me. And even though I know that just being "old" does to give you an instant pass, the weak spot is permanent. Unconditional love will do that.

Luckily, this a-hole made it easy to get over the elder-hurdle. Forgetting that he's on a show that demands lying, cheating, and two-faced antics, Jerry dubbed one of his co-players a "Judas" and repeatedly accused him of playing the "religion" card, which, by repetition, good old Jerry managed to play quite well all on his own. This booger also likes to play up his Marine-conditioned virility, but when he actually wins a competition, isn't shy about declaring how hard he worked to win it. Followed by more "Judas"-spewing and flipping off of walls in the general direction of his competitors.

Real mature, Jerry. Also, Good Job at studying the damn show you are on. You're about to bite it, big boy, but at least you can say you were the oldest player ever. Don't forget to add "Most Peevish." And sacrilegious. And one of the old dudes who helped me remember that my grandpa was, in fact, a real treasure.

And, thanks, sissy, for pointing out that one, wonky ear on Mr. Colbert (hold the "T"). I cannot unsee it. Could we seriously nom that ear like a true icanhascheezburger champion? Yes we could.

Day Four, I Throw My Bronze Medal on the Floor and Scream Like a Six Year Old

Dear Fool,
Girl, how many bananas is too many bananas? Why didn't you leave me anything to eat in your office? I've been through all the drawers and even found that device. Why do you force me to know of your secret life?
Sushi is super delish, but it is made mostly of whipped fish meringue. Sushi and a banana, a starchy lunch feast. Of course I was hungry one hour later. I was reminded of long ago, when you worked here, and declared you were on your 12th lunch of the day, usually at 11 am. *sigh* Even so, I didn't eat the second banana. Imagine what might have happened.
Why must they profile us, girl? You missed the deadline. It is tomorrow. Tomorrow you'll still be on a beach somewhere, probably half pickled, reading some library book. I turned mine in with a copy of this special picture of me and sealed with a sticky, chewed wad of Hubba Bubba.
I have nothing else to add. I'm dry eyed and square jawed about the situation, but I'm definitely wavering on my resolve. Is this really happening? You might need to call me, kitten, and talk me down a little.
A-frame Hugz followed by Purell,

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Day Two, You Tube Hates Me

And I am so tired. What a draining-ass day.

Nothing to report, Mz. Missing-in-Action, other than all of your office furniture is gone. Don't worry, they left you a bean bag. Time to buy some skorts!

You Tube won't let me post anything, so I guess I'll have to sink to linking instead.

First, an art project from Blu. I have no idea who that might be, but I like the way this weird .org thinks. Click here.

Second, I am loving the Olympic gymnastics. I've loved them ever since my little cousin Julieanne was a gymnast, doing her floor routine to "The Final Countdown." *Hearts.* It made me seek out my very favorite Olympic "moment," Kerri Strug's amazing vault that won them the gold and brought tears to our eyes. Stick it, Kerri!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Day One, Jesus Wept

Dearest Heart O Darkness:

It is hard to believe that you have taken an entire vacation day. How is it allowed, anyway? How will the heart go on?

You're already behind by 47 games in Word Twist. Prepare for complete annihilation. By Adairdevil, not me, girl. Miracles happen, but not for WordTwist powers. Maybe a stray kryptonite will hurtle from the sky and pelt me in the temple and then I'll die or get superextra smart. And Word Twist shame you allll.

My day today involved many worky work things. I stayed 1 hour late to make up for my excursion uptown to see the Doc. She's growing on me. Oh, and she has a CAT. It is an Abyssinian.

It looks like this. It's not really an IT so much as a SHE and her name is Natasha. She greeted me at the door and was quite a talker. Very Siamese-like in that way. She was none too pleased to be sequestered away from our session. She seemed like she might have some insights into my crazy.

You'll be pleased to know that it dumped rain repeatedly today. My legs and shoes were soaking. I bought my 27th $4 umbrella from Chillo (CHEE-low) and clutched my suede Coach bag to my bosom as I slogged through the downpour.

Speaking of my bosom: My cleavage was Michael Kors INSANE today. I bought this new blouse on Friday and wore it for the first time today. I couldn't stop checking myself out. Please, Jesus, I hope none of the little ones were mortified by a generous glimpse. God, they would die. Then I would die. Nice shirt, though. Nice rack, too. I mean, c'mon.

No sharking today. Hmmm, I wonder whhhhhy. It was abysmally silent. On such a dark and rainy day, I half expected to see you in your office, in the dark, playing your little music box, and grinning like a mad fool. Perhaps in the glimmering glow of the Eagle of Glory statue/mood light on your desk. Sigh.

I've decided to "act out" to teach you that you can't leave ever for vacation or illness or 5 minutes. Upon your return, I bid you good luck at finding the warm, whole carp I've hidden in your office.



PS: MUM, I think (hope!) that "Fred" is my AmyFred from back in highschool. You remember her, right? My Fred!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

I am OK

For those of you who are worried. I really am. Things are weird. I am smart enough to realize that this is to be expected.

And I am watching the movie Serenity again. I watched it long before watching the Firefly series in its totality. I thought it was clever at the time. Man, what a difference time makes. After watching the series, I realized I might DIE if didn't get to see Serenity again. This viewing was far more complex and gratifying.

And now I know (where once I previously presumed) that this is one of the stupidest cancellations in TV history. A singular and wondrous vision. Thanks, FOX, you shitball poopscums.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

The Week In Review

Anger Management

Icanhascheezburger understands me.


This song has been playing in my head alllll week. But it may be the most boring video ever. Just listen to it, don’t watch it.

Scrabulous Iz Ded

Scrabulous, the addictive Facebook application, is offline. I’d never played Scrabble, and now I have a big craving for it. Too bad I hold a grudge. Both sides should have worked harder to come to an agreement. Don’t they know they are annoying me?

Shi Shi Visits

With a succession of pretty dresses. She looked just like a little dolly. All the more fun to troll sex shops in St. Marks. I’m kidding. We only went to one…the rest were overpriced punk/emo/dirtbaggy clothing stores. I did get some super precious cherry earrings.

I’m a Zombie, how R U?

Taken at lunch with my shi shi. It seems even zombies need a good shrimp appetizer.

No More Movies to Anticipate

After Batman, what more could one want? It was awesome. Is there anything left for the summer? Tropic of Thunder might be good; it has all the right ingredients. Further out, there’s Bolt, which is shameful, I know, because I am not nine. But how can anyone resist a hamster in a hamsterball who, in anticipation of adventure, pleads “Let it begin!”

For more adult fare, I am looking forward to Quarantine. Go here to see the trailer. Spooky!

This Week in Hotness

Having just viewed the series Firefly in its entirety, I now understand the rabid adoration for this short-lived show. Among the strong cast and great characters, was Adam Baldwin, Mr. This Week In Hotness. Mr. Baldwin’s straight man brilliance can be seen on Chuck, which resumes in September. Chuck is a good show…you just have to look past the fact that the “Chuck” character was clearly ripped off from “Jim” on The Office.

Links of Note

Garfield minus Garfield courtesy of my outgoing peep.

This Hideous Thing courtesy of one of my new peeps.

And Finally

...there have been waaaaaaay too many people leaving lately…Stop It! This is for them.