Friday, May 30, 2008

So Freaking Bored

I just gave myself a Pop Tarts tattoo.

When you are sick, you sleep, right? But you can't sleep forever. So you get up. You are too tired to do much. You watch some movies. You watch 3 episodes of Dog Whisperer. You sense a theme. You do some dishes, cough 3,000 times, sit down some more. Try to do something, anything, cough 2,000 times, stuff the lung back inside. Sigh a lot. Hey, why not apply a Pop Tart tattoo. Cough some more.

So. Freaking. Bored. And annoyed. *hack*

By the way, what the hell is this supposed to mean? Why is that pop tart checking out that little string boy like that? What the hell is going on here, Pop Tarts?

And, yeah, I have a moley-ass arm. Kiss it.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Back Again, Back Again

And here are some pictures. No chickens on this visit...I didn't even see many crows, which is sad. I saw one cow, one horse, and one cowdog named Nezumi who is too cute but kisses whipfast and with deadly accuracy, usually across the gums. Which may explain my developing ailment, which has really started rolling just in the last few hours. It seems I cannot go home without bringing back some hideous rendition of lung fungus.

We visited Waxman candles and I brought back plenty of smelly candles for myself and to share. The little dude manning the store was vintage Lawrence: hippie hair, beard, glasses, long shorts, concert T, and chatty Cathy. Remembering to be nice was a struggle.

In Wichita, we went to a new Japanese steakhouse for mum's b-day. They crammed 8-10 of the grill tables into this large room...with the addition of a packed house and a high ceiling, it was difficult to be heard above the din. The food was good, the company was better. Dinner was followed by mommy tackling, which I recorded dutifully.

The next day, I took the butcher to Cowtown. Yes, Cowtown. It is a preserved 1870s frontier town smack in the middle of Wichita. It is actually kind of awesome. They even do this little show in the street with bank robbers and gun shots. Whee, gunshots!

I love this creepy-ass house, which I actually remembered from the last time I was in Cowtown in 1979 or so. Doesn't it look like the Blair Witch would live there? Or "thar"? Nice buffalo bed. Dead carcass heads were mounted everywhere.

Check out this manicure. Schweet. I got one because the butcher was hollering for one, too, so we had to go on a quest to find a nail salon open on a Sunday in Wichita. It was difficult to explain to him the whole idea of Jesus and God and religious people being touchy about working on Sunday...and why that was the reason behind the vast number of stores being closed. The baby Jesus was also behind the law against selling alcohol on Sundays (except by the drink in bars and restaurants) up until this year, when Wichita finally went to hell and reversed the law. We did finally find a place in the mall. The butcher was surprised at the number of women who stared at him as he had his nails done. Sunday was basically an "Explain Kansas to the Butcher" day, followed by an awesome BBQ.

The entire time we were there, the area was overwhelmed with wild weather. Violent storms, high winds, flash floods, etc. Monday night was a lightning show to remember. I tried to capture it but this was the best I got. Later that night, I had to drive to the hotel through a drenching rain and lightning, lightning everywhere. Super scarypants.

I love this dog. Even though she gets way too personal. She has to wear pants due to excitement issues. I think all dogs should wear pants, especially boy dogs. Pants are funny.

OK, got to crawl into bed and hope to heal overnight so I can go back to work. Yaaaaaaaaay *hack* aaaaay.


Monday, May 19, 2008

On my way home on Wednesday. Many things afoot. Lots of driving. A BBQ. Shopping. Quality time with the Fams. On the To Do List:

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Things That Made Me Laugh Today

All from the "news." God, I love America. Well, American news, or "newz" if you will, because really, c'mon. It's not real journalism folks.

Note, though, that none of this crap went down in the US of A. Though the beer/baby story sounds pretty middle America to me. But then I grew up in the bad old days when the baby was strapped to the fender. What? They're bouncy. Rubber bones.

Thank you, MSNBC, for all the newz that's fit to print...

Pope Thanks Virgins for 'Gift' to Christ

Man Fined for Buckling in Beer, Not Toddler

Darth Vader’ Spared Jail in Jedi Attacks

The last story is obviously meant for was written for me, it happened for me, they clearly know all about ME. A metal crutch, bruised thigh, light saber battle, and a 2-1/2 gallon box of wine all add up to sweet, sweet delicious newz on which I can nom all day long. *Joy*

Monday, May 05, 2008

The Onion Has Figured Us Out

Holy crap, The Onion is really spot on with its investigative reporting. Now you, too, can know the truth about that flat, blank rectangle...or can you? Can anyone?