Thursday, August 27, 2009

As Promised (2 Months Ago)

Whomever can identify these lovely ladies wins the cupie doll.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Chickens: Let's Not Lose Sight

...of what's really important.

FYI: There are A LOT more chickens to view than the last time I did this search. It seems, then, that I am not the only person in dire need of a good...chicken.

Sickos. I know what you were thinking.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Big Brother, A Tutorial

I am a Big Brother FREAK. Every summer, there’s nothing better to look forward to for me than the start of a new Big Brother season. I have watched it from the very beginning and my obsession only grows. God, I love it so.

Imagine it: 12 or so houseguests spend 3 months trying to outlast each other in a sequestered house to win $500,000. They try to put all kinds of people in the house—no “big” people, of course, ha—but every other “type” gets a place.

It’s amazing how psychotic people get…I mean, you would, too, right? Think about it. No TV, to fams, no friends, no fricking Internets. Just you, some strangers, and your thoughts. There’s not much to do outside of competitions…just down time, strategizing, and game play. We’d all lose our ever-lovin minds.

This season has been an absolute gift. Coming from a fan who has watched 11 seasons, that is saying something. It’s been surprising, explosive, and…well, let’s say it, predictable. All of the houseguests are fans—they would have to be—but it seems even they fall prey to the most foolish idiocy. Here are some basic rules (a.k.a. THE RULES of Big Brother and WHY BB Fans were Deeply Offended by Chima):

Out of Thousands, You Were Chosen—Really, what more is there to say?

The First Rule of BB is: Expect the Unexpected—This has been the rule since season 1. So why do houseguests continue to be surprised? See Chima, below.

Nothing Happened This Season That HASN’T HAPPENED BEFORE—See, all previous seasons. Again, see Chima.

The Moment You Identify Yourself as One of the GOOD PEOPLE, America HATES YOU—Is this really so surprising?

When a Houseguest Leaves, They are Not Killed (but it’s a thought, producers)—See, the Canonization of Jesse + past BB losers.

You’re and Asshole—If you think you are a wonderful person, it is likely that America thinks you are a Giant, Brown Asshole.

Most Hilarious Moments of BB 11

The Canonization of Jesse (“He prayed for us!”)

Oh hey, Jesus Jesse!


The Removal of Chima—this happened over the weekend. Chima, apparently having never seen the show, completely lost her shit and acted out to such a degree that the producers made her leave the show. The last person removed in this fashion was forced to do so after brandishing a knife at another player. Enough said.

PS. Jeff is the Most Wondrous, Fantastic Houseguest, Ever. I mean, he gets it.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Week 1, Just WHO Do You Think You Are

Preface: This is written for "Girl"--she knows who she is--who thinks she has the right to take 2 full weeks of vacation, leaving me adrift and alone at The Workplace That Shall Not Be Named (please, for the love of God, please do not name it...we like to keep work and life separate at Chinatownchicken). So, clearly the prevailing question is: Just Who Does She Think She Is? And also: When Is She Coming Back So I Can Halt the Miserable "Rooooo-ing" in My Office?

Week 1 Office Headlines

Smell of Cheesy Lean Cuisine Nuked on High in Dirty Microwave Linked to Gagging, Retching

Area Woman Tests Limits of Open Chat Windows in Exposed Workspace, New Record: Six

Recent Study Finds Childbearing Leads to Tardiness, Entitlement, Sainthood

Local Gramma Still Hates Job, Vows to Leave in Whispered Rant

Area Voice of Reason Suggests That If It Smells Like That, You Probably Shouldn't Eat It

Police Blotter: Verbal Razor Blades to the Ankles Still Not Illegal, Remain Hurtful

Opinion: If You Leave Your Earring Backing in the 3rd Floor Bathroom, Was It Ever Really Yours?

Triskie Lives: Finds New Purpose Adhered to Dorm Refrigerator Door

Young Office Worker Transformed from Werewolf to Nice Young Man after One Visit to Supercuts

Researchers Warn: Art Department Gearing Up for A Whole New Level of Crazy

Heart-Wrenching Crush Intensifies: Eye Contact No Longer Available

Weird Carp Smell Issues from Vacationer's Office: Panel Embodied

(Thanks, forever and ever amen, to The Onion for creative inspiration...)

Disgusting Things I Have Seen On the Train This Week

  • A "regular" looking, 20-something female, reading a book and digging deep in her ear with her index finger. Not bad? Oh did I mention that she scraped the findings from under her nails with her teeth and ate it? No? Yeah. She did. Repeatedly.
  • Toes, toes everywhere, and not one hammer in sight. Favorite toes of the week: Deeply embedded toenails circled in dirt. Wearing stylish, snappy sandals...why?

The Kindle

I am thoroughly enjoying my time with the Kindle. I am not sure what all the pissy fits are about...I don't imagine this thing would ever be able to totally take the place of the printed book. But can you say you wouldn't prefer a world where less trees were killed for that purpose? Yes, bad things also happen when you create electronics (no ask Thag, only know circuits and wires and metals and magix create Kindles) but six of one, half dozen of the other...? Anyway, it certainly makes sense for those doorstops, like 1/2 of Stephen King's stuff, not to mention your War & Peace types of books. Right now I am re-reading The Awakening and I am enjoying it immensely. Pressing the next button instead of flipping a page is very natural to me, the screen obviously causes no eye strain, and I love the bookmark feature. And girrrrl, does that battery last? My word! What wicked deviltry is this? Because I loves it, precious!

Post Script

As I compose this Letter to you, Girl, I am also doing 2 weeks of laundry. These 1/2 day Fridays are a wonder to behold for sure, and I've found that Laundry on these days, of all days, is the most peaceful in solitude. So. Wouldn't it just figure that the ONE TIME I decide to go ahead and just wear the spaghetti strap t-top (braless, mind you) down to the godforsaken laundry room is the time that I run into the two Hottest Guys in the g.d. building (yes, including Robocop from down the hall) PLUS (bonus!) the sexy Mr. Fixit who says Good Morning to me like Count Dracula? Wouldn't. It. Just. Figure. Usually I'm trussed up like a freaking Victorian--multiple layers! multiple bras! petticoats! rainslickers! in a hamster ball!--but nooooo. Not today! Surely you can hear me screaming all the way over there in California, girl.

Final Word

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Kiss the Cook

I'm not known for my cooking skills. I used to cook a lot more when I was a housewife, but it's funny how quickly that impulse dies when you have a full time job. I can't imagine how women with families do it...not to say that women always cook...but when they DO, ugh. Serious oog.

But I'm totally in love with my new recipe. Let me tell you:

2 Flour tortillas
1/2 cup of basmati rice (buttered, to taste)
1/2 cup of black or pinto beans
1/4 cup chopped lettuce
1/4 cup chopped tomato
1/4 cup shredded cheese (cheddar, Monterrey jack, whatevs you like)
salsa to taste
hot sauce to taste
paprika to taste
cumin to taste
salt to taste

Heat and split between the two tortillas. Roll and serve. Cut the butter and cheese and it's also a super low fat food option...and probably still damn good.

I know, super-freshman-dorm rookie cooking, but it does it for me good. What can I say. Except mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Save the Whales

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Big Brother 11


Looks like Hades.

Baby Pegasus

Just. Because.