Friday, August 14, 2009

Week 1, Just WHO Do You Think You Are

Preface: This is written for "Girl"--she knows who she is--who thinks she has the right to take 2 full weeks of vacation, leaving me adrift and alone at The Workplace That Shall Not Be Named (please, for the love of God, please do not name it...we like to keep work and life separate at Chinatownchicken). So, clearly the prevailing question is: Just Who Does She Think She Is? And also: When Is She Coming Back So I Can Halt the Miserable "Rooooo-ing" in My Office?

Week 1 Office Headlines

Smell of Cheesy Lean Cuisine Nuked on High in Dirty Microwave Linked to Gagging, Retching

Area Woman Tests Limits of Open Chat Windows in Exposed Workspace, New Record: Six

Recent Study Finds Childbearing Leads to Tardiness, Entitlement, Sainthood

Local Gramma Still Hates Job, Vows to Leave in Whispered Rant

Area Voice of Reason Suggests That If It Smells Like That, You Probably Shouldn't Eat It

Police Blotter: Verbal Razor Blades to the Ankles Still Not Illegal, Remain Hurtful

Opinion: If You Leave Your Earring Backing in the 3rd Floor Bathroom, Was It Ever Really Yours?

Triskie Lives: Finds New Purpose Adhered to Dorm Refrigerator Door

Young Office Worker Transformed from Werewolf to Nice Young Man after One Visit to Supercuts

Researchers Warn: Art Department Gearing Up for A Whole New Level of Crazy

Heart-Wrenching Crush Intensifies: Eye Contact No Longer Available

Weird Carp Smell Issues from Vacationer's Office: Panel Embodied

(Thanks, forever and ever amen, to The Onion for creative inspiration...)

Disgusting Things I Have Seen On the Train This Week

  • A "regular" looking, 20-something female, reading a book and digging deep in her ear with her index finger. Not bad? Oh did I mention that she scraped the findings from under her nails with her teeth and ate it? No? Yeah. She did. Repeatedly.
  • Toes, toes everywhere, and not one hammer in sight. Favorite toes of the week: Deeply embedded toenails circled in dirt. Wearing stylish, snappy sandals...why?

The Kindle

I am thoroughly enjoying my time with the Kindle. I am not sure what all the pissy fits are about...I don't imagine this thing would ever be able to totally take the place of the printed book. But can you say you wouldn't prefer a world where less trees were killed for that purpose? Yes, bad things also happen when you create electronics (no ask Thag, only know circuits and wires and metals and magix create Kindles) but six of one, half dozen of the other...? Anyway, it certainly makes sense for those doorstops, like 1/2 of Stephen King's stuff, not to mention your War & Peace types of books. Right now I am re-reading The Awakening and I am enjoying it immensely. Pressing the next button instead of flipping a page is very natural to me, the screen obviously causes no eye strain, and I love the bookmark feature. And girrrrl, does that battery last? My word! What wicked deviltry is this? Because I loves it, precious!

Post Script

As I compose this Letter to you, Girl, I am also doing 2 weeks of laundry. These 1/2 day Fridays are a wonder to behold for sure, and I've found that Laundry on these days, of all days, is the most peaceful in solitude. So. Wouldn't it just figure that the ONE TIME I decide to go ahead and just wear the spaghetti strap t-top (braless, mind you) down to the godforsaken laundry room is the time that I run into the two Hottest Guys in the g.d. building (yes, including Robocop from down the hall) PLUS (bonus!) the sexy Mr. Fixit who says Good Morning to me like Count Dracula? Wouldn't. It. Just. Figure. Usually I'm trussed up like a freaking Victorian--multiple layers! multiple bras! petticoats! rainslickers! in a hamster ball!--but nooooo. Not today! Surely you can hear me screaming all the way over there in California, girl.

Final Word


Blogger ymathew said...

Did you make him cookies, dammit?

Girl, your blog made me laugh and cry. I'm glad that nothing has changed since I've been gone. I have been checking work email...and then go lie in the sun and laugh about it.

My updates:

Area woman finds spider in towel as drying hair and is unfazed because of even spiders are beautiful in California.

Researchers find the sound of ocean waves crashing on the shore is linked to a higher rate of voluntary unemployment, lower rate of eczema and headtwitching.

Local library is awesome, says local library nerd.

Recent permanent resident still needs xanax to cross the border.

Local woman's teeth still impossibly white, feet still impossibly black.

Miss you girl.

11:50 AM  
Blogger Adairdevil said...

Shiny, thank you for the reminder of why one should not return to That Place.

Since you know I have Beatles issues, I had to hunt down another song you might consider for your long distance dedication. Might I suggest that cuing this up to 3:46 and hitting play would say everything in your heart?

7:19 PM  
Blogger Shiny said...

No cookie cookie. Hmph! I refuse. Wasn't enough that he saw...ugh. Nevermind.

Your headlines are awesome, girl. I esp. love the white teeth/black feet update. Did you make sure to land a sloppy kiss on her face for me?

PS. Adair, I totally thought of you when I posted that video. I wanted to post the Billy Preston version from that terrible movie but it wasn't as cool as I remembered it from when I was seven.

8:36 PM  

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