We Are Snooki

Anyone who watches The Jersey Shore (what, there are people) has seen the latest freakout mental breakdown of resident superstar, Snooki. She's tiny, she's drunk, she's flailing, she's funny. She has many, many "best of" quotes. She is also very young and trying to figure her life out.

So she's with this complete douche Jionni. She gets drunk at a club and does something exhibitionist and stupid. Like he didn't know who he was dating? Nevertheless, she did something stupid. And drunk.

It really doesn't matter. When I realized I recognized this girl was when I watched her screaming his name in the streets of whatever Italian town they are staying in. Watching her cry and scream and hyperventilate over this guy leaving her reminded me of something. What nailed it down was his crystal cool attitude during the whole thing. No tears. No real evidence of anger. What does he do? Threaten abandonment.

Man. Have I EVER seen this before? Yes.

I call it the 6-month Strategy of Intimacy. Perfect gentleman, completely devoted, full of caring and love. I had tonsillitis during this period. He brought me enough soup and food to feed a family for a week. He sent me cards and flowers. He pretended to be an open soul, open and dedicated only to me.

The first time the butcher pulled True Sociopathic shit on me I was caught completely unaware. Let me tell you how it feels: Sick, drained, black. You feel desperate and panicked.

The second time he pulled this shit on me, I went crazy. I was in my office, AT MY JOB, shrieking into my sleeve, sobbing. I was completely hysterical. I had to go home. I cut up the necklace he gave me and got blisteringly drunk. I went completely out of my mind insane.

When you are dealing with a sociopathic, sadistic charmer, you have no control. They are experts at building trust and dependence. Once that's established, it is all games of torture and reward. I am an educated, generally distrustful, allegedly wise person. I was completely steamrolled by the butcher. I had no game plan. I didn't know I needed one.

So, go easy on little Snooki. She's got problems aside, but on this whole Jionni mess, give her a pass.