Monkeypox

No pox, but some kind of monkey venom is jacking me up. The Internet says you can get monkeypox from prairie dogs and prairie dogs live in Kansas. And the Internet always tells the truth.

I have been sick for two weeks now. Is it karma? Or was I just due? It hardly seems fair. The universe should reward me daily for quitting smoking. Instead I get monkeypox and hack up six quarts of phlegm.

That's a conservative estimate.

It could be the bubonic plague. Except my lymph nodes are perfectly fine. I just have itchy lungs. And lots and lots and lots of mucus membranes. Mouth kisses to the first person with an accurate diagnosis. Open forum: Discuss!