Monday, August 14, 2006

The Ultimate Fighter: Git It ON!

This weekend I discovered that I may, in fact, be a 13-year-old country boy as I experienced the almost indescribable delights of Spike TV's UFC show, The Ultimate Fighter 3. There was a marathon on Saturday, which snagged me at about 10:45 a.m. and continued throughout the day, until I had to leave it at around 8 p.m. I know what you are thinking: Why were you in your house all day, you xenophobic LOSER? Well, I have an answer to that--I thought about it long and hard, did some soul searching, and finally managed to come up with something eloquent and to the point: Kiss my ass, bitches. Yeah, and I'll go to the museum next weekend.

Besides, I mentioned the Ultimate Fighter 3 marathon, did I not?

Actually, this only proves that I am a middle-aged, vapid slut, as the UFC is basically well-stocked with "my type" of man: a wall of meat with teeth. Yay!

The competitors all live in a house together and train in two teams: Team Shamrock and Team Ortiz. The men fight by weight class and fill the space with a lot of smack talk that most can't back up. Many have tattoos everywhere--even on the face, which sometimes helps--and all (but one) are graced with meaty, muscle-y goodness. It is truly inspiring television.

I got sucked in by the monumental smack talk of one particularly good-looking feller who had all of the essential components plus One: wall of meat with teeth and a British accent. Unfortunately, he turned out to be all air (British air, though, which is *hot*) and was taken down not once, but twice, in easy fashion. And he cried both times. Which means he is a.) a giant, pink (but British) bunny, and b.) for display only (sad!).

I would be lying (and I never lie) if I said there was any real value to this show. There is blood (check!), sweaty muscles (check!), and a lot of strutting about and peeing on one another's head gear (double check!)--all of which showcase that boys will be boys, beefcake sells, and losers tend to be crybabies. Which is all awesome. The new season starts soon, ladies. GIT IT ON!!!


Blogger whirleegig said...

I have a thirteen year-old country boy who likes that show.

1:34 AM  

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