Friday, August 12, 2011


First, let's celebrate monkeys with my two favorite monkey videos...

Now let's talk about this new monkey movie, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. YEAH. Because bitches, you knew it would happen...not just the remakes, but the reality. Don't think those hairy bitches won't rise up one day and lay us all to rest. Violently. Just the testing alone should earn that for us, yes?

Side note: Now you are wondering about my thoughts on animal testing and our development/survival as homo sapiens. I have to honor all the animals who have died thus far for our advancement, but I don't agree with it. I am THANKFUL, but I would prefer we utilize our own genetic material to test everything henceforth. That includes stem cells. If it is HUMAN, it can be tested. I think the animals have done their share at this point.

Personally, I HATE the Planet of the Apes movies. ALL OF THEM. HATE HATE HATE. The originals upset me greatly. I was not developed enough to understand the layers of sociopolitical learnings they were surely meant to teach. I just knew that in one of the movies one of the monkey couples were harassed and one was shot. It meant...what? What? I don't even want to guess what it meant at the time. I don't like it now, hated it then. It was somehow gross and offensive. As I child, I didn't know an adult I could guess...but feel upset and pissed off that it should ever force me to think about it at all. Let's be clear: for the times, this wasn't about monkeys. It wasn't. And that's mostly what pisses me off.

I hated the Marky Mark version, too, by the way. Stupid.

There were two things that made me think twice about this newest version. First, the CGI. Finally it wasn't that creepy matter how masterful, completely oogy. Second, the music. WOW, great job! They could have used this for any number of end-of-world movies. It tells the story completely. I mean, just listen to it. Don't you feel panicked?

The only failing, of course, is not including the raptors in this uprising. The eagles, the hawks...the direct decedents of T. Rex: the Chicken. Imagine CGI Chicken giving the stink eye to the humans, sharpening the fighting claw. Yes, they have fighting claws.


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