Monday, August 14, 2006

The Descent

If you've been waiting for a genuinely scary movie, it has finally arrived, friends. A group of women go spelunking (cave diving) in the Appalachian mountains. Things get scary quickly and fall off the cliff to Completely Terrifying soon thereafter. The pacing is perfect, the scares are plentiful, and you feel completely freaked out by the end of it.

The women are British, which may explain why they do not know that Appalachian Mountains = Bad. As Americans, we all hear the banjos in the night, whispering tales in the squeals of a pig. Considering what Deliverance did for the Appalachians, The Decent strikes the last nail in the coffin...and maims the spelunking industry for good measure.

This movie evokes actual horror and great wallops of adrenaline instead of relying on gore alone, as most modern horror movies tend to do. Please note, however, that there is plenty of awful gore in this one, too. I spent the duration of the movie covering my eyes, moaning, yelling, screaming, and squawking (this one is hereditary, also seen in "I dropped a plate," "I smashed a glass," and "I stepped on the cat again" featured in a haunted memory bank near you).

With all of the bad horror movies out there ("bad" because they are gory but bo-ring), The Descent was a complete surprise. If you love to get the living bejesus scared out of you, run to the theater and see this movie.

Note to people who think I should get out more: Shouldn't be a surprise, but I will not be spelunking, ever. I wouldn't have done it before, but now it is written in stone, locked in carbon, and spoken upon the mount. In a word, "Ohhellllno."


Blogger Flushy McBucketpants said...

you are the best blogger i know. and i mean that. your blogging skills are as good, if not better, than my friendster testimonial skills. see all that writing in school paid off... well, maybe not paid, but has weaseled its way into your everyday life in what i can only hope is an enjoyable, stress free way. please continue.

oh, and thank you for your review. i will never, ever, not in an eternity, see the descent. even if the only way i could get a date with sara radle would be to see this movie with her, i would not. and i would very much like to go on a date with her.

8:24 AM  
Blogger Shiny said...

You are the sweetest mcbucketpants ever.

Remember in the Matrix when Neo flexes and the world bends? That is so ME right now. Keep the compliments coming.

I'd say take the date, man. I mean, she could holler and yowl and cling to you for salvation. How stud would that be?

9:52 AM  
Blogger Flushy McBucketpants said...

i think the only way i could actually get through the movie (granted, this is pure speculation) is if i were comatose. in this case it wouldn't really matter how much she hollered and yowled and clung to me for salvation, as i could provide none. also, sara radle is in a LA-based rock band. so really, the odds of any of this happening anyway are slim-to-none.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Shiny said...

Ya, I got a bit woozy at one point--realism to the point of MAKEITSTOP--so you might run the risk of having vapors if you watched The Descent. A better date movie would be Snakes on a Plane.

Snakes! On a Plane!

9:23 AM  
Blogger whirleegig said...

Dear woman, you are the funniest writer I have ever encountered. By far and above and beyond and for flippin' ever the most hilarious of the veriest outrageously funny of them all!

1:24 AM  

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