I Hate

Not to revel in negativity with avarice and bile, but I can't be sunshine beams 24/7. I can manage it maybe 23/6. Whatever! Don't read this if you want to forever bask in the shininess of bs lies!You know you hate this crap, too. THINGS that are GROSS:

Outie belly buttons--Get. That Shit. Taken care of. I'd rather see yards of lard and cottage cheese than see even the slimmest person's outie belly button. Surgery NOW.


Knobby, gnarled, cankerous feet--Closed foot shoes, asshole. In honor of summer and hygene, put your bony horrors away. I don't care how hot your feet are.

People who talk “valley” always--like, how do you get, like, a JOB. Hel-LO?

Free flapping butt cheeks--wear actual underwear. Men probably like how your butt flaps wiggle in the wind, but it makes me want to kick you right in the crevasse.


Wet kisses--no one needs to hear/see that horror.

Gum smacking/popping--seriously, the wet, nastiness of it isn't what bothers me the most. It's the balls out selfishness. How do you NOT know everyone thinks you are disgusting??

Foot cheese--less public, more personal. Some amount of foot care is always a good idea.

Pit hair with deodorant balls attached--c'mon MAN. Sleeves. Sleeves, mother fucker.

Visible pit hair at all--it's natural, yes. But if it's jutting, maybe put it away, yeah?



Snorking snot--buy a kleenex. Blow it out. Stop eating it via your nasal cavity.

Eating with mouth open--I don't want to smack you for this indiscretion, I want to smack your mama. She's asking for it and you only have yourself to blame.


Wet, noisy eating--again, mama gets the open-handed welcome wagon. Don't cry, it's her fault.

Eye boogers--one mirror, no problems. I have issues with this myself. A sick obsession with facecare with help you with this.

Judge me! I don't care. I judge you all the time you wedgie-wearing, eyegoobering, snot snorking, french kissing outie mother humpers.