Oscars, 2011

There was a fair amount of hollering in the Twitterverse, Facebook updates, and blogosphere declaring that this was the worst Oscar broadcast ever. Being a dedicated Oscar viewer I have to say it was pretty standard; no better and no worse than any Oscar broadcast I've ever seen. Sure, there were few tears...but the saturation of awards preceding this holiest of holies is probably to blame for that. It was just as incoherent, stilted, and Oscar-y as any other broadcast we've seen. Maybe the expectations were higher because...Anne Hathaway and James Franco were hosting and therefore it was about the Youth? Oh, honeys. Come on. It was SOP, babes. No better, no worse.

Top 5 Lame Things from the Oscars

Melissa Leo, for the most over-the-top, fake, insulting reaction to a win as we haven't seen in many years. The F bomb was the only sufferable part. The rest was irritating. What's most confounding about her reaction and speech is not as much the fakery but the fact that this woman is actually a really talented actress. I guess she's more Hollywood, less Broadway.

The word "craft." Aka "Actiiiiiinnggg!" and other movie-related jobs. It's uppity and overcompensating. Not everyone can be an actor...but you can't build me a shed, either. One of these skills is more impressive. Our craft, the craft...o holy craft. The repetition of the word just made me think of that dumb movie, candlewax, and seances. I would respect your CRAFT a lot more if you weren't constantly defending it. You make a zillion dollars and live in shiny homes. Shut. Up.

Anne Hathaway yelling "wooooo!" for every performer, presenter, cut to commercials. It was like she was trying to rally the audience to get more excited about a 6th grade talent show. Which would have been more exciting. I did feel sorry for her, though, because she was dragging that dead piece of pretty meat through the whole thing. Don't deny you didn't share my own theory: he wants to do everything in life, so he said yes to this, too. Film Actor, college student, PhDs, General Hospital actor...Oscar host. Of course he said yes.

No surprises. Nah, not really. The winners were pretty well predicted prior to the show, so that made it especially boring. Melissa Leo was the only wild card and only because of her embarrassing ads in the Trades for votes. Even so, she was a favorite. So, no shockers. Honestly the worst win for me was The Social Network for best score...and I totally respected that score, don't get me wrong. I just wanted the dragon movie to win one. It deserved something.

Old gents with canes. I liked the old gents, but why is Oscar trying to kill grampa?? Where were their helpers??? Ugh. I had the terror sweats the whole time, thinking one of them would teeter over and shatter into a million pieces.

Top 5 Neato Burrito Things from the Oscars

"That's gross." Of all the things Cate Blanchett has done, this is the thing that makes me love her the most. Because it is true, funny, but also awesome. It's kind of the point of the award.

The clever speeches. David Seidler (another of the old gents) gave a great speech for best original screenplay for The King's Speech, as did Aaron Sorkin for best adapted screenplay for The Social Network. I thoroughly enjoyed the moment when Christian Bale forgot his wife's name. At least he remembered "wife" and "child."

I like it when they put themselves in the nominated movies at the beginning of the show. I just don't understand the Back to the Future finale. Am I not privy to some major remake news? Because they shouldn't, ever.

Celine singing "Smile" to the dead (except Corey Haim, which obviously means he's not dead). It was very cheesy and therefore very retro and NOT YOUNG. Which is what they kept joking about, and I think in a very sarcastic way because, come ON, the Oscars are always a bit stodgy and pent up. Were all of the pre-Oscar talking heads yapping about the show being younged-up because of Hathaway and Franco (whatevs) or was it just because The Social Network was nominated? Seriously? Nothing was younged up. It was the same stilted speeches, music playing them out, presenters reading jokes off the teleprompter, and montages no one cares about. The one thing missing, thank God...

Very little singing and dancing. I generally despise the song and dance parts of the the show. It seemed they scaled it back pretty well.

Sandra Bullock. We love her because of The Net. Also, Hope Floats. Also, Practical Magic. Whatever else she's done is just the cherry on top. What makes us love her is how very "whatever" she is about the pomp and circumstance. She seems like a person we'd like to know in real life (unlike Melissa Leo, who should continue to act, but can sit over there at the bar, thanks). I liked how she called out each actor like she maybe wanted to push them a little. Because we all kind of do, especially Jesse Eisenberg who looked like we were keeping him from a hot night of Call of Duty. Hearts doubled, girl. We love you best!