Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Housewives of Beverly Hills, Best Season Ever

I loved this season more than the rest. What? Don't judge. Poor people like to watch rich people and their problems. This is not a revelation, folks.

This particular season meant more to me than most for reasons I've made clear in previous posts. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the show Medium. I was so happy that it got to live on longer on CBS. So, like others who have been addicted to this show, I was nothing short of outraged to discover (shock, I know, fool on me) that the person the show was based on was a complete and total psycho/sociopath. Lllllllllllaaammmme.

But I like the RHWoBH for more than that, actually, because there was SO MUCH 70s-80s-riffic stupidity associated. Like Lisa, the lost member of Dynasty/Lace. And the Richards sisters! OMG. Total crazytown/Hollywood sickness. How could you not like this show? Plus there was a drag queen married to a schlub. YAY!!!!

Lisa Vanderpump. She's like Alexis Carrington with +20 nasty intelligence and a side order of perviness. Love! She's beautiful and her dog is a fluffplume of Giggyness. Plus she had a manwhore who obviously did not earn her love and free food. He was pretty and stupid with a fancy accent. What a debacle!

Adrienne Maloof. WOW. This is a beautiful man. I love drag queens. She stays out of the drama. Until the end, of course. I totally believed she would be the wise Ghandi sage who brought world and Beverly Hills peace but in the end she was kind of a limp bizkit of a counselor in the sister on sister hatefest of the finale. Oh well. Her married life was the only thing that normal people could relate to. The bickering with her adorable/schlump husband was totally charming. So for me, she's all WIN WIN WIN. Cute.

Taylor Armstrong. Liverlips sexbomb cryfest. The perfect recipe for love! I honestly felt her fights with Kim were stupid and useless, because she's a person and Kim is a whirling snarl of insecurity. Taylor said some wrong things, maybe, but nothing unusual compared to what normal people have said (going "Oklahoma" on one's ass being #1) and her marriage problems were nothing short of terribly sad. OK, she did marry a cyborg (who is not even HOT, WTF) but you'd think even the most cold blooded bastard would appreciate a swollen lipped swan like Taylor. Straiten up and fly right, soldier!

Kyle Richards. Mocked recently as the Broke-ass Demi Moore. But I honestly identified with her the most. Not because we are the same, but because I felt like she was honest and right most of the time. I'm on her side in the Camille/Kyle fight. I do not believe she is a perfect or even great person. She's got mean girl tendencies all over the place. But I do believe she's right in the fight and I do believe she's endured too much mama/sister drama. Plus her husband is HOT as hail.

Kim Richards. Goooooooooooood Lord. This woman is the definition of Hot Mess. I think her fate was sealed in one of the first episodes when she related the story of the paparazzi & her niece Paris Hilton. "She was first...she's the icon." Ugh. Her pleasure in this story makes me absolutely ache. Because A.) who the hell are you? and B.) how sad is this scene? UGH UGH UGH. It's like watching a baby panda get skinned at a discotech. First come the Starsearch dancers, kick kick kick, then they yank out the panda. You just feel sick and betrayed at having watched the whole thing. And that was basically her whole role on the show. Because HEY I WAS ON WITCH MOUNTAIN and now I have a mealy mouth full of sweat and desperation does not really translate into...Icon. Ugh. Sad.

Best/Worst for Last: Camille Grammer. She sucks. Even after she seems kinda sane in the reunion shows...I still can't forgive her for the show itself. I mean, it's not like she WASN'T THERE. Because she was. She shrugged, she rolled her eyes, she claimed basically everyone was jealous of her...and she kissed her married friend on the lips repeatedly (more eyerolls). Kelsey Grammer could be the most raging Charlie Sheen Asshat on the planet and we still wouldn't sympathise. Because A.) everyone is jealous of her....B.) she made us see the Real Allison DuBois. HATE. HATE HATE HATE. Because Real Allison DuBois is a contemptible human being. Am I being too harsh? Hmm. Let's ask ourselves: Even if we found the most heinous Beverly Hills housewife the most horrendous person in the world, would we joke that we would NEVER help her find her abducted child? Seriously? Because Real Allison DuBois did. Smoking her fake cigarette and acting all a fool. THANK, Camille Grammer. You suck. I hope you get a $1.50.

Thanks, crazytown brilliance. Also, congrats Bravo, since this is all the TV cred you have left. Awesomeness. Also, sad. You're such an Icon.


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