Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Happy Guy?

Has anyone else had the pleasure of experiencing the self appointed "Happy Guy" on the NYC subway? This happy asshole was trying to give away mirrors and $20 to anyone who would engage him on the "R" this morning. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a perfectly nice crazy person, but c'mon. There is an unspoken rule on the morning commute: shut up, sit still, leave people alone. Most of us are still half-dozing and not at all prepared for some jackass screaming, "You want $20!? You want to rob me?!" completely out of context. When you can't see what's going on, the first thing to come to mind isn't "Happy Guy," it's the last episode of Law & Order you saw.

Notes of the morning:

--I have a menstrual hangover (hello, too much information!) -- if you don't know what this is, then bite me, you are not a real woman. Menstrual hangover is caused by overmedicating for 5 days (Advil, etc.) to kill the horrid pain of cramps...followed by cold turkey. What would cure it? One more juicy Advil. But I'm not caving.

--I have the song "I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" stuck in my head. I've considered that my mild headache was really an aneurysm and I'm actually in a coma laying across the subway tracks waiting for eternity. It would make sense that I would have "Happy Guy" visions and that godforsaken song in my head while suffering from the last fever dream of life before finally snuffing out.

--I forgot my damn lunch this morning. It was salad, too. It had romain lettuce, grape tomatoes, cucumbers, and even some damn chicken in it.

--I watched two documentaries last night (I Love Netflix!): Enron, the Smartest Guys in the Room and Jesus Camp. Some notes: I can't say that the list of hellbound sinners is as long as the evangelicals would like to believe, but I'm pretty sure those Enron dudes are a lock. The children at Jesus Camp were hyperintellegent and easy to root for, which made the adults brainwashing them seem all the more evil. All those places in Missouri are either suburbs of Kansas City or satellite towns...that is where I lived, just on the Kansas side. Now you see why I ran away from it the devil was at my back?

Hey, how cool is this? As I'm writing this post, I look down and see two options from Blogger: "Publish Post" and "Save Now" -- when you click "Save Now" it declares that I am "Saved." YAY I get to eat peas with Jesus in Heaven! Good thing, too, since I'm near dead on the tracks.


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