When Doves Cry

Those lucky friends who’ve had the pleasure of viewing some vintage 80’s photos of me have always been promised a viewing of “The Most Hilarious Photo Ever”…and here we finally are. Yes! In the process of searching for that elusive photo, I ran across a rich gully of hilarity, which I share with you now.

Note the Lisa-and-Wendy of Prince and the Revolution phase. O my Jesus, was this ever a hot look, especially back in the olden days of ’85 at my thugtastic middle school. It was all about Prince and the goddamn New Edition, which, at the time, I just did not get. Obviously I got the Prince love, though, as evidenced here. Let’s enjoy it together:

- When Doves Cry
Uploaded by tressage

Also did you notice the Hot Slut shot? I was thirteen. My grampa FREAKED and it was a total “Scene from My Adolescence” when the photos came back from the photomat. Whatever. Notice how it looks just like this:

That’s right. Also note the heavy mascara problem at mid-center. Interesting note: This was a free pic taken at my church. Jesus made me do it. And I am not the only one (RIP, sweet Jesus lady):

Now, the Grande Finale. Sadly, as I scanned though so many photos, I realized that the image I’d always pictured was not, in fact, the worst. WOW. I mean, WOW. Let’s first picture the underlying symbolic image that formed our cultural stupidity:

It is true. Now, here is the photo I always referred to:

I know, right!? Wow. But man oh man does it get better…

Shame is radiating.

And yet I rock the minibang. She bang.

And this is senior year, as evidenced by the cheap-ass cloak and heavy application of lipstick. Total big-hair-and-heavy-makeup extravaganza. Jealous bitches!