Friday, November 07, 2008

The Week in Review

Most Awesome of Awesomeness First

I watched the debates and knew that Obama would win. I know it is a Foole Ignormonous who puts forth such confident suggestions, but I did. I watched both candidates and applied my hiring skills to the task: If you think about it, which one would you have hired? Put aside the obvious reasons you’d hire the guy – we were all wondering about those wackadoodle undecideds, weren’t we? And if they based their decisions on the foolproof leanings of “the gut,” they would all have gone to Obama, without pause, without question. He was calm, direct, guileless (we are not your friends, John, and you are not our Quaker pastor), largely unflappable, and consistent. In a word, trustworthy. As opposed to crazy-eyed, pacing, cyclically appeasing, my friends, and thoroughly creepy. No contest.

The real question is, When Will I Stop Crying? Clearly, I am already quite tenderhearted—first by nature, second because hey, I am still getting over the break up, sue me—but the sight of the celebrants, the reminder of the historical relevance, sometimes just his face sends me straight to weepy weepersville. I was glad to know that I was not the only one bawling when they first announced that he was, in fact, the President elect. It means something different to everyone, I think, even me. Let’s remember:

1. He’s African American – this has been covered in great detail, but I keep tripping across some new thing to wonder over. It’s almost beyond comprehension.
2. He’s half white/half black – and, even more incendiary, by a black man and white woman. There was a time when this was wholly taboo.
3. Absentee daddy – And, yes, there was a time when this was a mark of shame, too. I know because I lived it. People cannot help but feel So Very Sorry for You.
4. His name is Barack Hussein Obama. There was a time…five minutes ago…when that would have mattered. I suppose it matters to some—maybe it always will—but enough people know that idiotic, fear-mongering rhetoric is the hog feed of Ignorant Fooles. And not the majority, not this time. Thank God.

On the Flip Side

Let’s just say it now: Marriage blows balls, therefore everyone should all suffer equally. Give gays the right to marry and stop guarding an already corrupted symbol of sanctity and virtue. I am a bad advocate, by the way, considering my feelings about marriage. When it works, it’s because of the couple, not the institution, people. Maybe the authority of that institution buoyed the relationship, yes, but life-couples owe it to themselves more than anything. Some of us are just not the marrying kind. Which is why it annoys me to no end that I can marry Bart, Steve, Jack, Bubby, Wilhelm, Garth, Kenny, Buck, and Albert in Vegas, on crack, wearing nothing but an inner tube and grass skirt, while sober, serious, and committed folks who really want to say it because they mean it are not allowed, by law, to say I Do. At least where any state will recognize it. How does this make any kind of sense?

“Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha”

Upon speaking with someone at work today, I realized how often I remind myself of George McFly. What is this compulsion to laugh in order to make others laugh, like I’m a walking, talking laugh track? I should get myself a nice shock collar and clear that shit up right quick, ay?

General Apology

Sorry for interrupting you all the time. I know I talk over you—and everyone—daily. I try to remember to stop, but what I have to say is more important.

Song in My Head All Week

The Grand Prize Winner also belongs on the list of Worst Songs Ever: “Shake You Down”. I sincerely will never get over the “eeny meeny miney mo” part. Good God.

Things That Are Currently Awesome

I love this cat. His owner is hilarious. The FourFour recaps of America’s Next Top Model are better than the shows themselves. And this is what Winston went as for Halloween:

His life partner, Rudy, went as Elliott. I love that pissed off cat face:

Below, note the cute cat, yes, but what’s really awesome is the fact that I am breaking down and getting a DS. I’ve lived without it for 3 months, which is long enough in my book. Maybe it will help to break me of my Word Twist addiction.

Thanks, McBucketpants, yet again, for more awesomeness. This comical mind is something to be savored. The Napoleon bits slay me.


Blogger Adairdevil said...

Several comments:

1. I wrote my mushy fluffy entry about Obama and Prop 8 on my own blog, so my soon-to-follow failure to engage with your more substantial points is not intended as a diminution of same.

2. I am not pleased with you for putting that song in my head. Not pleased at all.

3. "Eenie meenie miney mo, come on girl let's start the show" is among the least erotic lines ever committed to song. Including those not intended to be so.

4. According to something my mom said once upon a time (hey! that's fact-checking for you!), E.T.'s look was actually based on a cat.

5. You cannot abandon Word Twist! I have so little to keep the darkness at bay! I am even willing to bastardize Chicago ballads if it will help. "If you leeeave WordTwist, you'll take away my source of sanity / Ooooooooh no, Shiny please don't goooo!"

11:23 AM  
Blogger Flushy McBucketpants said...

sometimes your articulateness amazes me. well put.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Shiny said...

It was the "balls" comment, right? Almost lyrical, I agree.

PS. I can never really give up on Word Twist...But I can rein it back from fanatical to just twitchily interested.

7:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your sister here!

You are ever so much more eloquent regarding our new president than "Wooooooooohooooooooooohoooooooooo!!! Yipeeeeeeeeeee!!!Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Woweeeeeeeeeee!!!...." etcetera, etcetera.

I sure did cry my little eyeballs dry when he gave his speech.

You should know that there are secret messages to me in the captchas. They say, "The aliens are coming; buy a Roomba."

What are your bridesmaids going to wear when you marry Bubby and Wilhelm? Snakeskin coats and red rubber boots?

1:23 AM  

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