BUM-BUM

I just completed jury duty and, yet again, somehow managed to escape with the minimum amount of time served—less than a day! Six years ago I was rejected by one of the lawyers, but this time around I never even got to see the lawyers. We just sat in the coldest room in the universe from 8:30 to 3:30 when they decided to set us free.

Things of Note:

—Seriously, the Coldest Room in the Universe. People make comments on my refrigerated office all the time—I’m a known hothead—so you can rest assured that it was genuinely uncomfortable in that vast waiting room.
—It felt all U.N.-ey. Because of the room. It had that same architectural flavor.
—No hats in the courtroom! It was fun to watch people obey such a sweet, old-fashioned rule in gnarly old Brooklyn.
—No sleeping across the seats! It was even more fun to watch the court officer wake people up. It felt so high school detention, sit up straight, spitcha gum out, shut ya traps.
—Two hours for lunch! Seriously, can I live in jury duty? I get to read all day and get two hours for lunch?
—“There are All Kinds.” Nice people and poop people. It was refreshing to see generally friendly and chatty people making the best of it. There had to be something to counterbalance the raging bull assholes that wanted to ensure everyone knew how pissed off they were. One girl in particular kept pacing the aisles, talking to “herself,” declaring, “They better let me outta here waste my fucking time fucking assholes I don’t have time for this BULLshit blah blah blah.” Because we all have time for this bullshit except you, honey.
—Cooties. I think I caught some. O. The Humanity. Freaking public bathrooms and all the mysterious smears. Ugh.

I miss it already.