Monday, October 08, 2007

Things I have Noticed Lately


The Gym: I’ve been attending the hellacious gym regularly lately. What can I say? I fear death. Anyways! I do the treadmill and bike and try not to watch other people but the cardio machines face all the muscle machines, so what can I do about it? I am sure that there is something to it, but it is wildly unnerving to watch the muscle people sit on their machines, doing nothing, staring at the cardio people. The cardio people are just trying to keep in step with their evil machines and look up to find these shiny weirdoes staring and staring. At nothing? Maybe. But I think they are watching my sad ass sweating to the oldies. I do miss the married days sometimes. My own treadmill in my own house? Heaven? No. Add a washer and dryer and you are golden, baby.


Lung whistling. I do think that the emphysema got me, without regard to my best intentions. Fuckity fuck fuck. It does not help that October is apparently the new August. EVIL! Those poor marathon runners – it really is not proper to have 80 plus days in October. You don’t have to have the big E to know it sucks donkeysnot.


Dirty Sanchez? I would like to thank my two good friends for educating me about the true meaning of the “Dirty Sanchez” before I screamed it out in public places two or ten more times. Funny story: I am permanently naïve. When I was about 12 years old, my mother and I attended a very nice, very Midwestern, very down-home, bread and butter, church going, God fearing type of barbeque at a lake held by my Grandfather’s typographical union. So. My mom and I are fighting with these two teenage boys for this raft out on the lake. It is fun. There is splashing and yelling and so on. You know. Anyways. A few weeks earlier, my friends had been teasing me about some new insult I’d heard but did not understand. Those bitches knew what it meant…so unfortunate that I had to learn it…later. When I screamed out “Eat me, eat me RAW!” I thought I was really giving it to those boys good. Shit on toast points. Thanks a million to my homies for giving me the true definition of the “Dirty Sanchez” – I promise not to scream it in front of wheelchair bound oldfolks again.


Believe it or not, you can get sick of Pringles. Also, Hershey bars kick the shit out of dark chocolate. Just FYI.


In preparation for our Still Big Maybe Trip to India, Thomas and I were reading this really invigorating article about Mumbai…super interesting and yet totally depressing, all at once! It was basically laying out the fact that there is a huge gap between the haves and have nots…and certainly to a level that Americans will never, ever know. Amidst the catalog of riches that India is now experiencing ($15 cocktails and retro club nights, can you say New York City?) they also listed some truly dark facts…like how hundreds of men gather at the water at 5 am to take a collective dump in the water. At 6 am, the women follow, wading in a little bit farther to retain some modesty. All in all, some gripping articles and essential reading for the possible traveler. We may never see these things (the beggar children are a lock…and even this will prove a challenge. Hurtful and irritating, a shameful juxtaposition) but it is better to be prepared than shocked out of your socks. So, I am smelling it, in my head and in advance, because it is important that I follow this through and shed my American skins, soft and shallow.

The Third Eye

Hm. Had a really superinteresting dream the other day. Lots of other stuff involved, but the most shocking moment most certainly was at the airport…part of which looked a LOT like the Natural History Museum. Except the exhibit was live and the live thing was a moose. Once it laid its eyes on me (as I languidly walked to the end of the terminal with my suitcase in tow) it charged the glass separating us and killed itself on impact. Anyone good a deciphering dreams?

If it means I am the antichrist, save it. I’ve heard that shit before.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like these random thoughts things Lovey. No idea on the moose thing.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Flushy McBucketpants said...

"Hershey bars kick the shit out of dark chocolate." You're just trying to instigate. You're lucky I'm working these days or I'd have time to give you a lesson in chocolate.

12:58 AM  

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