Wednesday, February 18, 2009


This cat gets me.

Today was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS. O, let me count the ways...

1. First, let's touch upon the first and most upsetting part of the day, that which inspired me to SCREAM INSIDE MY HEAD: Get OUT of my office you fucking diseased bitch! This is the one that sent me straight over the edge today. We're not talking general cold here; this was a total cold/flu/sinus infection bullshit extravaganza blatting it's vile, diseased mist all over my office. If you are going to come to the office sick, stay to yourself, don't touch the shared spaces (coffee machine, sink, copier, mail room) and stay the FUCK out of my office. Thanks!
2. I Misanthropize You, evil hordes! At lunch, when walking the short distance to my favorite deli, I came across MY FAVORITE GROUPING OF PEOPLE: "Them Who Walk in a Horizontal Line So That No One Else Shall Pass." There were four of you. Good thing it was snowing sideways or a might've not been able to resist a clothesline. And, can I add?...
3. Walk. On. The. Right. Heed my warning, fools: Walking at a diagonal will be your ultimate undoing.
4. Train bad. Bad bad bad! By the time I had to go to the shrink, I was not really open to new experiences, or old tried and true ones like lallygagging in the Times Square station. Really? REALLY? This disgusting, poop infested place is where you want to hang out? Watch TV? Take in some culture? FINE. Please get OUT OF MY WAY. Thanks! Also! When boarding the train, please step to it, shall we? Instead of moseying like some lobotomized cowboy? Thanks! And if I brush past you, why don't you clap your mouth shut instead of hissing "Oh, by all means, you first" in a sarcastic tone like instead of passing you I, in fact, cold cocked you into the wall and stepped on your head. Which I would have liked to, in retrospect.

Let's make it feel better. How about a belly rub?

That's better.


Blogger Adairdevil said...

Dear Ms. Shiny,

It has come to my attention that you are living in my head and blogging my thoughts with uncanny accuracy. Please cease and desist at once.

Also, Jack is adorable.

12:16 AM  
Blogger Flushy McBucketpants said...

I'm pretty sure that if you had cold cocked someone into the wall and stepped on their head their response would've been something close to "aaaaaaarrrrgggh," followed by a thud and a gurgle.

seriously though, what's with the people taking up the whole sidewalk? there are four of you. walk. in. pairs. one behind the other. is that so hard? you still have a buddy-friend to talk to.

2:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn! I was pretty much going to say what Adair already said.
A 15 minute raving diatribe went off in my head today regarding learning to walk on the right and maybe, just maybe, managing to recognize that other people also live and breathe and walk on this planet!


8:40 PM  

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