Thursday, August 14, 2008

Sidenote: Big Brother

What? So what. I am a fan. I don't care. I love it. And I've watched every season. Mr. Ian from the Long, Long Ago also loved it, and it was the one, weirdo thing that we could share. That, and the lame-ass walk from work to the lower east side on Blackout day. Followed by the lamer-ass rest of the walk, all alone, to Park Slope. Serious vom chunks. Which sucked.

My assessment of this season of Big Brother? Let my little bat-eared, brown eyed baby button tell you:

Yes, Jerry, you are on alert, you asshat. Jerry is 700 years old, the oldest participant of Big Brother ever, so one would easily feel a certain weakness toward him. I am, after all, the biggest sap when it comes to little old men, ie. "Grandpas," because my own was a true hero to me. And even though I know that just being "old" does to give you an instant pass, the weak spot is permanent. Unconditional love will do that.

Luckily, this a-hole made it easy to get over the elder-hurdle. Forgetting that he's on a show that demands lying, cheating, and two-faced antics, Jerry dubbed one of his co-players a "Judas" and repeatedly accused him of playing the "religion" card, which, by repetition, good old Jerry managed to play quite well all on his own. This booger also likes to play up his Marine-conditioned virility, but when he actually wins a competition, isn't shy about declaring how hard he worked to win it. Followed by more "Judas"-spewing and flipping off of walls in the general direction of his competitors.

Real mature, Jerry. Also, Good Job at studying the damn show you are on. You're about to bite it, big boy, but at least you can say you were the oldest player ever. Don't forget to add "Most Peevish." And sacrilegious. And one of the old dudes who helped me remember that my grandpa was, in fact, a real treasure.

And, thanks, sissy, for pointing out that one, wonky ear on Mr. Colbert (hold the "T"). I cannot unsee it. Could we seriously nom that ear like a true icanhascheezburger champion? Yes we could.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now it seems like the last time her id came up you were going to kill sissy. This truly is your best rant yet Lovey =)

4:50 PM  

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