Cthulhu

I first wanted to know more about this after seeing Hellboy...the only part of the movie that moved me in any real way was the sight of those tentacles descending out of the storm clouds. Because think about it: Is there anything more alien than an octopus? And a Sky Octopus Filled with Evil? Mein Gott.

It is rare that anything really gets to me in a movie...and certainly not a movie in the "action" genre (exceptions, see: Independence Day, President's speech). The entire scene made my skin crawl; I felt it down to my bones. Terrifying.

I know who H.P. Lovecraft is, but I never read him. I was too busy reading all of my Stephen King books 15, 20 times. Like you do. So it is now, in what I like to call "The Extreme" part of my adulthood (so almost 40, yyyyyeah extreme!!) the Cthulhu has become a part of our workspeak, whenever we can manage to work him (she? it?) into a conversation. Cthulhu orders you to use spell check in your work emails, muthatruckas. Big Boss Cthulhu only signs invoices on 11/11/11.

After a Facebook friend linked an article about octopuses (not octopi, it turns out, see word origins!) I knew I had to face my fears. I read the article and found myself completely charmed. I wanted to immediately go out and let one grab my finger with a tentacle. Just one finger, one tentacle. Because c'mon: Baby steps. Baby. Steps.

So of course I perused the YouTube for cool octopus videos. This is the best one of all (read the description):



Per the article, it turns out that octopuses are freaking brilliant. They are escape artists and unapologetic pigs, globulating around to find munchies wherever they can.

Ever wondered how you say "Cthulhu"? Here you go:



Ever wondered how you say "Cthulhu" awesomely? Here you go:



Feel free to enjoy more mispronunciations via Pronunciation Manual. So wrong, so right.

It is too bad that I'll never really get the chance to have a real encounter with a real, live octopus, primarily due to my complete terror of depths. However, if someone were to throw in the chance to encounter a blue whale...well, OK then. OK OK OK. I'll be vomiting nonstop and you'll have to pry me off the ceiling to jam me in the wetsuit and throw me in the ocean, screaming, but I will make myself available for that show.