Monday, January 19, 2009

Things That are Gross and Bad

I haven't seen Top Gun since it was originally in theaters. I remember two things from my original viewing:

1. It was boring.
2. I did not get the whole Tom Cruise thing.

It was on HBO today, so I watched it. I don't think I've rolled my eyes that many times during any movie, ever, let alone yelling "Oh for God's sake" and even gagging once. I made the mistake of eating lunch around the same time that the love scene played. Here, you should watch it, too. Make sure to look for Tom Cruise's fat, lazy tongue lolling about Kelly McGillis's mouth.

Other than the ridiculous love coupling, the movie is really nothing more than a lot of hand slapping and macho, sweaty posturing. Though I usually find old school Val Kilmer quite the honey, they all seemed like gross parodies of the worst kind of male: Egotistical, stupid, testosterone saturated fat heads. All with big, horny, white teeth. Ugh. I am usually a sucker for that male strutting, but this crap was artless, clumsy, and just very, very silly. If you want to see a nice piece of "historical" drama steeped in genuine macho hotness, give The Right Stuff a spin. Leave Top Gun where it belongs, in 1985.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm astounded that you made it through the whole thing without stabbing yourself in the head or something.


11:52 PM  
Blogger Toby said...

One of the best 30 Rock lines recently "You told everyone that I was 'gayer than the volleyball scene in Top Gun.'"

And perhaps one of the best Office jokes Michael has come up with:

Is that a tweed jacket?
Yes, it is tweed.
I feel the need...I feel the need for tweed.

So, if for nothing less, the movie should be respected as a goldmine of 80s pop culture references.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Shiny said...

I'll give you that, Toby. But just that! Because that movie hurt me.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Flushy McBucketpants said...

Top Gun rules. It must be watched in the company of others though.

I can't believe you didn't cry when Goose died. You have a heart of stone.

12:10 AM  

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