Friday, November 06, 2009

Yankees and Hellions and Sluts, O My!

Dazzle and I went to Trader Joe's today to buy vino para weekend. We decided to go at about 2:45, not realizing that the trip home, at about 3:00, would be a shitshow of teenagers and asshats leaving the Yankees parade. Ugh. The 14th street station was an absolute nightmare. We weaved through the throngs of hormonal hellions and miscellaneous freakshows, spitting hate speech and hexes in every direction.

The older I get, the less I can stand the youth. But, to be fair, we acknowledged that teens are bad in general (look, I was one of them, one of the worst, a heinous creep) but in NYC they seem to be teen X 1000. Remember how I told you about the spawn from the train? Well, these were the older variety: no manners, no class, no hyoo-MANinty.

In my haste to judge, perhaps I should have paused.

As a teen, I was a shit. Nothing special, mind you, but I hung out at the mall, bought 20 cents worth of nothing at Taco Tico and loitered eternally, laughing, mocking, screeching, making a mess. And, to be reeeally fair, I was not necessarily the most chaste of kids. At the ripe old age of 13, I played this WHOLE ALBUM at my grandparents house, repeatedly...not just in my room, but on the family stereo, out in the OPEN:

And whilst I loved that album, I looked like this:

No, seriously, believe it:

But I forgive myself. At least I didn't drive like this:

OMG, I love my sister. Her crazy ass. Look at her at the mall, at the shoe shop, with her boyfriend. What was his name again? OH, I remember, fool. But who can answer why your hair was fuchsia, girl? Why? Why, girl, why?

To be terribly, horribly honest, I also loved this. Vanity, with her crazy eyes, picking on that poor gay boy? Hello! I loved it. And I really had NO IDEA what it all meant. Ask me to tell you the story of what happened at the Typographers Union picnic around the same time I loved alllll of this nasty shit and you'll understand just how daft, and innocent, I truly was. Sad sad sad. Let's enjoy more Crazy Eyes!

Nevah say NEVAHHH! For a better rendition of that particular thought:


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bahahahaha! Don't, DON'T let my children see this ;)They'll never take me seriously again!

Not that they do now...

Damn! Forgot my password again.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And they never will. Mine don't either. So Shiney. More stuff mom never knew. Shucky durn. Let's be clear. You never got arrested. No one killed you for being obnoxious. You never got kicked out of school. Yes you could be mouthy but you just weren't serious about being horrible. Sorry to rain on your parade but you kinda qualify as a pretty good kid and I should know.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Shiny said...

HAHAHA. You are right, miss mom. I was a VERY good kid. Liesl, tho, is another matter...

10:29 PM  

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